


Ghost From The Past

by Mqevq



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers is a bookseller, Alternate Universe, Blind Date, Denial, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Kara Danvers is bisexual, Kara Danvers is not Supergirl, Maggie Sawyer is a college teacher, mention of alcoholism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10068902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mqevq/pseuds/Mqevq
Summary: The start of the school year is always a busy time for Alex: she works 24/7 to make sure every student and teacher get their books in time. Her sister Kara, who owns the bakery across the street, sets her up on a blind date with someone who Alex didn't think she would ever cross paths with again.Or the one where Alex and Maggie meet again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it goes... First fic ever. Thanks Akh for being my betareader, I couldn't have done it without you.

The start of the school year at National City University was always a busy time for Alex because she had to deal with both students and teachers at the same time. If she was being honest -and she usually was- she despised most of the teachers and found them mostly irritating, especially around this time of year. She even had a name for it: The Kraken Season.

When Alex heard the bells at the door jingling for the first time that morning, it was nearly 7 am and she was already working at the back of her bookshop, trying to sort through orders that, if she was not careful enough, would soon collapse on her. The books had to find their way to their newest owners as soon as possible, so this was no time to be making a mess.

Besides, it was way too early to be arguing with someone who needed the newest edition of “Literature: An Introduction to Fiction, Poetry, Drama, and Writing" on short notice when they were not shamelessly asking for a copy of their own book.

College teachers’ egos were the worst.

She didn’t need that. Not this early in the morning. What she needed was to get through the day and then crash down on her couch. And do it all over again the next day.

“Alex?” Kara called hesitantly. She wondered why her sister was nowhere to be seen.

Alex straightened and headed towards her sister’s voice, relieved to find that it was just her in the doorway.

Kara was the only person Alex was always happy to see. Her huge puppy smile always cheered her up, always made her feel better. Alex thought it could light up National City after dark.

Since moving to National City, she had buried herself in work and never really took the time to make new friends. In fact, most of her closest friends were actually Kara’s. A few of her most regular customers would sometimes ask her to hang out, too, but her heart was never really in it.

Besides, there was always the matter of drinks that she avoided at all costs. She was sober now but she had long ago decided to stay as far away from any temptations as possible, even if it was costing her a social life.

She didn’t mind the lack of friends though, because her sister was everything she could even wish for in a sibling. Alex was the solitary kind. Most of her high school friends stayed at Midvale and those she had made back in Med school were more acquaintances than friends. She had never reached out to them after dropping out, and they had made no attempt to contact her either.

“Hey Kara,” she smiled tiredly.

“Here, I made these for you,” Kara said, grinning as she closed the door behind her and handed her a small box.

“Please tell me those are donuts, I haven’t eaten yet.” Alex put the box on the counter.

Kara laughed slightly and nodded. “Yes, actually. I knew you wouldn’t take the time to eat so I baked these for you earlier this morning.”

“Earlier this morning?” Alex asked, incredulous. “But it’s only 7 am.”

“What do you know, I’ve got stamina,” Kara smirked.

“You know sometimes I wonder if you don’t have superpowers hidden somewhere in that body of yours.”

“I wish!” Kara laughed, briefly daydreaming about having superpowers.

“Well, thank you so much, you’re my favorite person _ever,_ ” Alex said, already stuffing a donut in her mouth and moaning at the sweet taste.

“So, how are you doing?” Kara asked with a concerned voice. “Not to be rude but you look really tired.”

Alex laughed. “I’m okay. It’s okay, I’m used to it by now.” Alex waved her off, grabbing another donut ready to be eaten with voracity.

“Well I _know_ you can manage,” Kara insisted. “But…”

Alex frowned. “But what?”

“I just wish you’d go easy on yourself, that’s all. And, you know, go out and have fun outside of these walls for once.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry, sis,” Alex assured her. “ _The Kraken Season_ is always stressful. And you know I don’t have time to date,” she added with a smile on her lips that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

She took a step toward her sister, patted Kara’s arm slowly to reassure her and maybe herself, too. “Want to come over tonight? We can catch up on Person of Interest?”

Alex tried to lighten the mood. She knew where this was going and she wasn’t having any of it. Not today.

“Actually... I can’t. I have a date. A blind date.” Kara said, a huge smile on her face.

Alex smiled and tilted her head, seemingly interested. “Boy or girl?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

When Alex had come to terms with her own sexuality a few years ago -a few weeks after _the incident_ \- she had come out as a lesbian to Kara who had immediately been supportive. While Alex had been struggling with her new normal, her sister had secretly begun to question her own sexuality too, quickly realizing she was in fact bisexual, a notion that had never really occurred to her before. Hence her latest blind date.

“Girl. A cute one. Her name’s Sarah. We were a match on Tinder,” she said grinning. “I might need your help to pick out an outfit, though.”

“Of course,” Alex answered. “I can be at your place around seven, if that works for you.”

“Thanks a lot, that would be great! We’ll watch Person of Interest tomorrow night!” Kara said enthusiastically as she turned her head toward her bakery across the street. “Gotta go now, people are already lining up.” She kissed her sister goodbye on the cheek and left the bookshop.

Unlike Alex, Kara was really eager to date and find her soulmate, man or woman. She truly believed someone was out there waiting for her to show up and turn their lives upside down. Alex didn’t quite believe in fate and never really even dated. Despite being out and proud to most people in her life, her relationships so far had always ended badly. It was not like she didn’t try, she got asked out, she just never really liked anyone enough to go on a second date.

***

The following evening Alex closed the bookshop at around 8 pm, as soon as she had seen out her last few customers. Students often came in the store at the last minute, and she never had it in her heart to refuse any of them. She had once been a student, too, and knew the implications all too well, especially for Med School students. If you weren’t fast enough to get your book from the library, you had to get it on time from the bookshop. Alex even made a point to hold a book fair twice a year, usually between semesters, so that students could buy and sell their books at a fair price without going bankrupt.

The sun was slowly disappearing behind National City’s finest skyscrapers when it finally hit her: she couldn’t wait to relax. The sister night she had planned with Kara was more than welcomed. She went home for a quick shower, got two large pizzas to go and then crossed the street to find her sister in her own apartment. They hadn’t planned it that way, but Kara’s bakery and Alex’s bookshop were on the same street, right across from one another, both of their places on the next floor up.

“Hey,” Kara said, pulling her sister in a one arm hug as soon as she entered, already reaching for the pizza. “You look even more tired than yesterday.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Rude,” she said with one finger pointed at her sister. “You know I could take these two large pizzas back to my place and never look back.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

Kara let her sister in her apartment and put the pizzas on her kitchen island, just in case. She wasn’t one to kid around with food.

“So, how was your date?” Alex asked, taking a slice of pizza.

“Good. Good, really good actually. I’m seeing her again next Thursday.”

“Oh really? Second date then? Will I get to meet her at some point?” Alex said with a smug smile.

“Ah! Funny you would say that actually because maybe you will… sooner than you think?” she asked, laughing awkwardly.

“Why is that?” Alex asked suspiciously. “Is she coming tonight?”

“No! No, nothing like that. But um... actually...” Kara thought she might as well rip off the band-aid. “OK, don’t be mad but I might have arranged a blind date for you, with one of her friends.” Kara’s tone made the statement sound more like a question.

“You did what now?” Alex stood up from the stool.

“Look...” Kara’s words were lost in her throat. She suddenly wished she had an invisibility cloak because the look on her sister’s face was frightening. “Sarah has this friend…” She regained her confidence, “Who’s into women, I might add...” pointing her finger in the air.

“Oh you did not...”

“I set you up,” Kara exclaimed clapping her hands.

“…set me up,” Alex finished at the same time. She couldn’t believe it. Her sister was interfering with her love life.

“I did. And now I see that you’re getting mad at me, I’m sorry.”

Alex sighed loudly, trying not to get mad at her little sister. “Why?” she finally retorted.

“Why not?” Kara inquired. She was that kind of a person. Always ready to dive in, always ready to take risks.

Alex was at a loss for words. “Your timing couldn’t be worse! That’s why.”

Alex was now pacing around the kitchen island, wondering why it was so important for her sister that she dates. She was fine.Things were fine. The bookstore had never been better, the business was good.

“I’m not like you, Kara. I don’t feel the need to date and find my soulmate,” she tried to explain calmly but her words sounded harsher than she had intended.

“I know that. And I’m not saying that you should if you don’t want to. It’s just that…” She put her hands on Alex’s shoulders and searched her eyes. “You’re amazing Alex, you deserve to be happy. I don’t know anyone who deserves to be happy more than you do. I feel like you’re lonely sometimes, I can see it.”

The tension seeped out of Alex’s shoulders. “I… It’s not… Of course I want to be happy. I just don’t know if I’m built for it.”

“How can you know if you don’t try?” Kara asked sincerely, tilting her head as a smile reached her lips.

Alex sighed. She was being convinced. She hated it. “It’s kind of embarrassing. I mean... my baby sister setting me up? I can find my own dates you know.”

“I’ll be there the whole time. It will be like a sister night except… you know, not really.”

“Kara… I don’t… I’m not sure…” Alex was rambling but she knew it was too late. She was not getting out of it.

“Come on, please. I really like her. Besides, by going out with her friend you’d be keeping me in Sarah’s good graces. So really you’d be doing it for me, not for yourself. Be my wingwoman? But with an actual date.”

She started pouting. And she was great at it. Alex knew she couldn’t say no to that face and so she finally caved.

“What do you know about her?” she sighed. “Do we have a name at least?”

Kara’s eyes widened in excitement. “Yes! Her name’s Maggie.”

***

Maggie was nervous.

If any of her previous relationships were any indication, Maggie didn’t peg herself as girlfriend material. One of her exes had once called her hard-headed, insensitive, obsessed with work and even borderline sociopathic.

One way or another she always managed to drive them away. It had surely something to do with her, right? She had gotten dumped more times than she could count and each time it had probably been her fault. It had been no different with Ann.

Their relationship had always been rocky from the start but Ann had been easy going, beautiful and fun. Maggie had thought she was different, that they had something real going on. She had known she wasn’t in love, not yet anyway, but maybe what they had would be enough. This could have gone somewhere. Or so she had thought. She had been wrong on so many levels that she hadn’t even seen it coming, nor had she fought to save the relationship. Maggie never stayed where she knew she wasn’t wanted.

With that in mind, saying that this was not the best record for an unexpected blind date, was an understatement. There was always the matter of expectations, which Maggie never managed to reach. Not ever. She was never good enough. That was why she never went on blind dates. Most of her relationships were hook ups at the beginning. But blind dates? Those kind of dates were bound to fail, so she wasn’t too keen on this idea, mostly because it could go completely wrong. In fact, she was 99 % sure that it would actually go completely wrong. She hadn’t even met the other woman and the only information she had in her possession was her first name: Alex.

She never should have accepted. But she owed Sarah so there she was, putting on a show, hoping she would not disappoint once more.

And tonight she was nervous.

She couldn’t figure out why exactly but she was. Sarah hadn’t told her anything remotely relevant about the woman, only that she was a bookseller here in National City and that her little sister was dating her friend. At least she wasn’t a teacher, because dating a coworker was never a good idea. Maggie had learned that lesson the hard way. Another failed relationship to add to her book.

She heard a knock on her door when she was putting the final touch to her outfit. She was going for boots, tight gray jeans, a black belt, a white silk shirt, and her favorite leather jacket. Casual but hopefully attractive enough to not blow this up. You never know.

“Come in!” Maggie yelled from her bedroom.

Sarah opened the door of Maggie’s apartment. “Hey, it’s me! Are you ready Mags?”

“In a minute.” Maggie put her make up on, did her hair again and went to her living room.

Sarah gasped. “You clean up nice! I wasn’t sure if you were still up for it but I guess I was wrong.”

Maggie looked down at herself. “Yeah, well… I have nothing to lose, might as well play along.”

“Plus you owe me. Big time, Maggie Sawyer.”

“Urgh. Don’t remind me, okay? I never should have taken that bet.”

“Come on, we’re gonna be late. We don’t want to leave our ladies waiting.”

They were both heading at Alex’s bookstore as a rendezvous point. The four of them were supposed to have dinner at the park. It had been Kara’s idea to have their double date there. Summer was ending, the stars were still shining bright at night, and National City Park was the only place where you could lie down, feel the grass cooling under your toes as the night progressed and still get a pretty good look at the stars. The best spot would actually have been right outside the city, but Kara thought the park would do just as well.

Maggie’s hands quickly started to sweat as they got closer to Alex’s bookstore. Sarah was making conversation but she was hardly listening to what she was saying. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She even briefly considered escaping and going back to her place before the night even started, but then they arrived at their destination before she could act on her impulse.

The bookstore was familiar. She had never been inside, but she recognized the front immediately because, ever since she had arrived in National City, she had always meant to stop by. It was actually on her way to NCU and Alex’s bookshop had a beautiful storefront, one that was impossible to forget.

There were glass windows all over the front and a double wooden door, above which you could read in golden letters “Just One More Chapter”. The bay windows at each corner where anyone could see the perfect, shiny wooden floors inside, were as much of an invitation to come in as it could get. Even if it was already dark outside, the plentiful lighting around the windows was nearly magical. She could see paintings for sale on the walls, comfy seating all around with light coming in from the roof, and a long aisle down the middle, separating towering shelves of books from one another.

She couldn’t see where it ended because the store seemed huge from the outside, but if anything, Maggie was now less nervous and actually looking forward to meeting Alex. If she was half the person her store seemed to indicate, this would definitely be an interesting date. Despite still feeling some of her earlier nerves, Maggie surprised herself suddenly thinking she couldn’t wait to learn more about this woman.

Little did she know that Alex was feeling the same way.

*** 

Kara insisted that her sister get ready for her date at her apartment. Alex agreed willingly, mostly because she was hoping she could take a quick look at Maggie from her sister’s window across the street. “I’m not being pervy, Kara! I just want to see what she looks like. You owe me that much.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “Well they won’t be here for another 20 minutes at least, you better get ready.”

“Fair enough,” she said, turning on her heels as she started heading towards Kara’s night space.

Alex looked through Kara’s wardrobe but wasn’t convinced by any of her sister’s outfits. Instead, she picked one of the many she had brought from her own apartment. She tried on several dresses but inevitably went for comfortable boyfriend jeans with a respectable number of small tears and rips, white sneakers, a white t-shirt and a business-ready dark blue blazer on top. A combination of casual and dressed up.

Kara was not ready yet but Alex was. And Alex was beginning to get nervous, feeling the need for a drink for the first time in a while. She tried to chase her thoughts away and started pacing around the apartment, taking a quick look outside once in a while until she saw two forms approaching her store. She stopped breathing for a second and then focused again as she was staying hidden near the window.

“So, what does she look like?”

Alex startled. “God, you scared the crap out of me!”

The curtains moved noticeably as Alex made a little jump. She quickly moved away from the window and rested her back on the wall, worried that her cover might have failed.

“Sorry,” Kara said, shrugging as she stood behind Alex. “Don’t you wish we could hear what they’re saying?”

“If you concentrate hard enough maybe you will,” Alex said with a cocky smile, looking out the window again but more cautiously this time.

“Very funny, Alex. It’s too dark outside to see anything,” Kara replied, pouting.

Alex kept staring at her blind date. She seemed smaller than her, but only slightly, and she was wearing a leather jacket which admittedly went immediately on her pros list. Alex caught a glimpse of Sarah’s face while the two women on the street seemed to be talking about her store, but despite her best attempts, she could only see the back of the other woman.

“She seems like a brunette though. It’s a good start,” she muttered to herself.

“Okay, they’ve waited long enough,” Kara interrupted her thoughts. “Come on, they’re gonna see us and it will be hard to explain why.”

Alex sighed, but made no protest as she left her spot by the window and followed her sister out of the apartment.

Kara locked the door behind them and got the feeling that her sister was a little bit tense as they were heading towards the elevator. She chose to say nothing about it.

Alex actually felt slightly relieved that she had been able to take a look beforehand. She thought at least she had an advantage, even though she hadn’t been able to see her date’s face. The simple fact that her date even showed up made her feel a little more confident. Dare she says she was actually excited now? But still nervous enough because she hadn’t gone on a date in ages and she wasn’t sure if she knew how to make small talk anymore. Hopefully the other woman was more talkative than her.

***

Maggie was getting impatient now that she had her head into it. She looked at her watch. Their dates were not late as she and Sarah had arrived early, but the clock was ticking. She was already starting to think that maybe she was going to get stood up in the middle of the street when Sarah suddenly turned around.

The Danvers Sisters had joined them out of nowhere in a Kate Kane kind of way. Maggie, however, didn’t have time to process anything because she suddenly found herself unable to breathe, her mouth agape as soon as she was facing Alex.

Unable to form coherent thoughts, Alex froze as well. Kara frowned at her sister, trying to understand what was happening. She had thought things would be awkward at first, but she had counted on Alex at least being able to do some small talk.

Maggie’s eyes widened. For a split second she was trying to remember the last time she had seen this woman, and then it all came rushing back to the surface.

“Danvers,” she managed to breath out.

Memories were rushing back like a kick in the gut. Memories that she thought she had long ago forgotten. Apparently not, though, because as she was staring at Alex, those memories were still very much vivid.

_Crap._

“You’re my blind date,” she murmured, trying to regain composure but her voice got lost somewhere in her throat.

The four of them stayed still for a few seconds, waiting for Alex to respond, but she was busy trying hard not to panic.

Kara was getting really confused. Sarah was baffled and looking back and forth at pretty much everyone.

“You two know each other?” Kara finally asked, gesturing a finger between Maggie and her sister.

Alex’s brain suddenly started functioning again. Of course she knew her. She’d recognize her face, her eyes, her lips anywhere. She hadn’t been able to take her eyes off of her then and she sure as hell couldn’t now.

“We don’t!” They both said in unison.

_Well that’s awkward._

“Okay I’m really confused,” Sarah chuckled, looking at Kara who gave her a look of utter incomprehension.

Alex was now starting to panic. What should she do? Stay? Not an option. Leave? Seemed the only way to avoid a gigantic mess. One slight issue though: she couldn’t move.

“It’s complicated,” Maggie finally said matter-of-factly as if it was all anybody needed to understand the situation. She clearly didn’t want to elaborate in front of everyone how, where or when she already knew Alex Danvers. But she hadn’t taken Kara into account who immediately jumped at the occasion.

“But when did the two of you even meet?”

Maggie hesitated. “It was… ah.. a long time ago.”

She shoved her hands into her back pockets and started fidgeting. This was not going well at all. She knew it had been a bad idea from the start. She needed to get out of here as soon as possible. For her sake but mostly for Alex’s.

“Oh. _OH_. Right. Sawyer, _that_ Sawyer _._..” Kara whispered to herself. She suddenly remembered Alex’s coming out story from three years ago and it was not a happy one.

“Anyone want to explain?” Sarah asked, more confused than ever by what was happening.

She was met with only silence. Again.

_What a mess._

“I think Maggie broke your sister,” Sarah murmured into Kara’s ear.

“Actually a long time ago, yes. And again tonight, apparently,” Kara said as she quickly pushed her glasses back, slightly panicking as well. She had no idea what she was supposed to do. She was the one who had convinced her sister to go on this date, but this? She hadn’t expected this.

Sarah caught up pretty quickly. “Kara, don’t you think we should give them a minute? Alone?”

“No!” Alex shouted loudly. More loudly than she had intended. “I think I’m just gonna go. This was a really bad idea. I’m sorry.” Alex started walking away, even though her apartment was right there. She just needed to get out of here.

So she did, and didn’t look back. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English isn't my first language but I hope it was still enjoyable and readable.  
> Special thanks to my lovely wife and my friend ramonaflow who both helped me write this first chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you meet the love of your life but it's not the right time for you to meet them ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and overall this entire fic, is largely inspired by the deleted scene from S01E17, when Alex explains how J'onn saved her life. I thought this particular scene they decided to cut out was actually really interesting. It added some layers to Alex's character about how she was struggling with Kara having superpowers even though she wasn't even using them.
> 
> Again, thanks Akh for being my betareader, I couldn't have done it without you. You make this story better.

Alex was first and foremost a scientist, therefore she knew when she was experiencing various unpleasant physiological effects following heavy consumption of alcoholic beverages. In other words: she was hungover. Saying she had had a bit too much to drink last night was an understatement, but it had happened before. Having recently turned twenty-one had made it easier for her to get drunk whenever she felt like it. And lately? It was pretty obvious that she felt like it a lot.

This time, she had been passed out on her bed face first when she regained consciousness. How much alcohol had she had? Clearly enough that she had lost track of time. She cracked one eye open and immediately wished she had closed the curtains at some point when she came home because now the sunlight was aggressively blinding her. She felt like the desert was overtaking her mouth, and her stomach was definitely angry at her, but it was her head that hurt the most. It felt like her brain was yelling whilst it was being crushed into millions of particles.

She was also starting to remember bits and pieces from the events of the night before. A pub, multiple shots and a few random guys who lead to even more shots, to even more alcohol. She had no clue as to how or when she had made it to her apartment, but the bottles scattered over the floor seemed to indicate that the party had gone on after she got home.

What time was it anyway? She quickly looked for her phone on the floor, her hand wandering like it was trying to reach an escaping balloon until it hit the solid frame of her phone. Taking note that it was already 3 pm, she scrolled through her notifications, saw two missed calls from her sister - she made a mental note to call her back later - four texts from an unknown number and shit an alert for a music festival where she had applied to volunteer over the weekend.

Her sister had given her the idea in hopes of distracting her from studying so hard all the time. Come on Alex, you need to relax. You deserve it. Little did she know that Alex had recently been put on academic probation. Kara had no idea she hadn’t pulled an all-nighter for a long time but was spending most of her nights partying rather than finishing whatever synthetic molecular project she was supposed to be working on.

Alex always felt the need to keep up with her sister who was brilliant at everything she’d ever set her mind to. Alex was smart for sure, but Kara was something else entirely: she was a genius. She could have chosen any major in any field possible, especially Science like Eliza, like Alex, like Jeremiah, but she had chosen cooking instead and got in one of the most prestigious schools of the state, which luckily enough was in National City. Alex never commented on Kara’s choice to settle in National City. She knew better than to argue with her sister about her choices, especially when the very reason for them was Alex herself. Besides, Alex was secretly happy that her sister had chosen another field, a field where she knew she couldn’t compete with her more than she already was.

Lately, leveling the playing field had just become too hard on Alex. Keeping up was becoming an impossible task to achieve. It was like watching a dog chasing a car, knowing it would never catch up. She always felt insecure about her own abilities to match her sister’s and was beginning to slowly lose herself in the process without even noticing how bad the situation had become. She felt like the harder she tried, the harder it was for her to meet their mother’s expectation to watch over her sister and complete her PhD and MD at the same time.

Kara was almost 19 years old now but Alex still strongly felt the responsibility of taking care of her. Ever since her parents had adopted Kara, after Kara had lost hers at the age of twelve, Alex had always been the one in charge. Even more so when her own father died one year later, Kara losing a third parent in the course of only two years. Eliza had buried herself in work, started to neglect her daughters and mostly expected Alex to protect and raise her sister while she was incapable of doing anything else but grieve. And when Alex would fail, her mother would often berate her, leading to heartbreaking and unfair arguments about her always being wrong or inconsiderate.

The weight of anticipating every bad thing that could ever happen to her new sister had been thrust upon Alex suddenly and unexpetectly. _She lost her entire family, Alex, you have to protect her and be there for her._ What Eliza never understood was that watching over for Kara came at the expense of her oldest daughter’s own life; Alex had ended up putting the vast majority of her feelings, desires and needs aside, for the sake of her sister, for almost her entire childhood.

She couldn’t let herself be the person her mother forbade her to be but was definitely letting herself become, even though Kara was more than capable of taking care of herself. But still her insecurities were often getting the best of her.

That was one of the reasons why she had said nothing of her studies when Kara came up with the festival idea, and reluctantly agreed to it instead. She couldn’t bear to admit the situation she was in and disappoint Kara because despite everything, her sister was the only person who kept her going.

Now, she was still in her party gear and barely able to walk, but somehow she managed to shed her clothes and step into the shower, still in a foggy state of mind. The steam was filling her bathroom as the water poured down, dripping by her sides. She bathed her skin slowly, letting images flash in front of her closed lids. The red-hot everlasting waterfall was only just starting to kick in right when her need for hydration and nutrition were getting too strong to fight any longer.

Once she was done showering, she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed but, gritting her teeth, she got dressed instead as fast as she could, which still happened to be at a snail’s pace. She definitely had had too much to drink this time. And she definitely was really late.

***

The bus ride to the music festival turned out to be no walk in the park. Alex had hoped that the ride would give her an opportunity to catch some more sleep, but those hopes had clearly been in vain. The seats looked and felt thirty years old and, to make matters worse, the bus was full of obnoxiously loud children, laughing and shouting the entire time. Alex rested her back on her seat with a heavy sigh, the left palm of her hand pressed against her forehead. In a desperate attempt to ease her pounding headache, she let her mind drift back to Midvale, thinking of the calming waves and the warm sand, but even that proved to be unhelpful.

Alcohol really was a bitch to deal with.

Her misery was put to an end about twenty-five minutes later when she finally arrived at the venue. She had no idea what to do or where to look, but luckily for her a man wearing a name tag with the festival’s logo on it soon caught her attention. She took a wild guess and assumed he would be able, if asked, to let her know what she was supposed to do, where and most importantly who with.

She quickly glanced at his name tag and saw the name “Earl” written on it but, before she could speak, he beat her to it and asked for her name, looking at a list attached to a clipboard.

“Danvers,” Alex said, fidgeting and looking around. The place was already filled with people, some giving instructions and others receiving them, all exchanges ending with the other person nodding their head and rushing off to do what they’d been told.

Earl sighed in exasperation. “Hm.”

_Right. I should have guessed._

“Danvers.” He finally looked up and stared at her, clearly irritated. “You’re late.”

Alex always had a hard time with the patronizing type but she couldn’t deny the fact that she was late and desperately needed to take her mind off of things, so she decided to let this one slide.

“I stayed up late last night,” she mentioned vaguely.

He rolled his eyes at her. Volunteers were often a great help when they actually provided the said help, but many things still needed to get done so he stopped himself from commenting further.

_That’s right dude, moving on._

“We paired you with a guy named Lord but he apparently disappeared from the surface of the earth so I guess I’m gonna have to team you up with someone else instead.”

He turned his head, slowly taking a look around until his eyes seemed to spot what, or rather who, he was looking for. He smirked, looking very proud of himself, which made Alex despise him even more.

She followed his gaze.

They were now both looking at a brunette, shorter than Alex, in a black tank top, tight jeans and white sneakers. She was helping two other guys from the crew lifting and moving benches around, or so Alex thought. After a few seconds of observing, however, it became apparent that the guys were actually helping her, and not the other way around, as she was the one giving the instructions. Alex smirked, rather pleased and somehow fascinated by the first impression the girl made on her.

“Sawyer!” Earl called loudly, gesturing to the girl who jogged towards them.

“You need something?” she asked. The tone of her voice clearly indicated that she was not exactly happy to be summoned in this way. Alex’s smirk only grew wider as a result.

_Nice._

“I’m teaming you up with Danvers over here,” he stated, pointing behind him at Alex with his thumb. She remained silent, looking at her almost apologetically.

Maggie let out a heavy sigh, blatantly displeased by the turn of events.

_Oh._

“You know I work better alone.” She glanced at Alex. “No offense.”

Alex was a little thrown. “None taken,” she retorted, her poker face on.

_Excuse you? Plenty taken._

“The thing is, Sawyer, you don’t get to decide. I do.”

“Come on, Earl. There are still millions of things to do, most of the crew is running late on pretty much everything, and you want to drop a newbie on me?”

He smiled widely. Alex wanted nothing more than to make his cocky smile go away.

“It’s like you said, Sawyer. The crew is overwhelmed right now, and we’re still understaffed so who better than you, Volunteer of the Year, to teach the newbie the drill?”

Maggie tilted her head, looked right at him with both hands on her hips, amused and exasperated at the same time. Alex immediately thought they could probably get along well if only she could make herself look like a helpful pair of hands rather than a burden.

“This isn’t a game. The festival starts in less than six hours and the wristbands are still unpacked.”

“I ain’t playing. She’s all yours for the day. You better get going. Clock’s ticking,” he said, tapping his wrist and walking away.

_I wish I could shove his clipboard up his a..._

“This is your first time volunteering, I’m guessing?”

Alex jumped. “Uh? Oh! Um… Yes, actually. But I’m a quick learner.” Maggie stared at her. “Besides, we don’t want Earl to be right about you not being able to handle a newbie,” Alex chuckled awkwardly, miming Earl whilst pointing her thumb in the air. It was totally useless, of course, because he was now out of sight.

_Lame. Get a grip, Alex._

Maggie examined Alex from head to toe, not looking very convinced. Alex knew she looked like shit but still straightened herself to make a good impression.

“You better be,” Maggie said sharply. “I don’t want you to waste my time.”

“And I’m here to help so teach me,” Alex snapped back.

_Better._

“You think you can keep up with me?” Maggie teased, hands on her hips, head tilted.

“You’d be surprised,” Alex smirked, defiantly.

_Trying to keep up is what I do best._

Maggie hadn’t expected Alex’s comeback. She took a step closer to Alex. “Follow me and don’t ask any questions until I’m finished. Got it, Danvers?”

It was Alex’s turn to invade Maggie’s space. “Got it. Sawyer.”

Maggie rolled her eyes and turned on her heels quickly enough to prevent Alex from seeing the smile that was growing on her face. She hadn’t decided if she was annoying or intriguing yet. Maybe a little bit of both.

Alex wanted to ask for her name but when Maggie started explaining what they were going to do for the next few hours together, she decided to settle for the no-first-name-basis-rule instead. She didn’t want to interrupt her, so she listened to her carefully and followed her closely. She seemed really passionate about the festival and at ease around the other crew members. It was pretty obvious that this wasn’t the first time she was volunteering, but there was also something else about the way she interacted with the world around her. Alex couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

She showed her the booths, the backstage area, the car parking area, and explained every little aspect of the festival that she could think of. Alex managed to memorize everything quite easily, much to her surprise, because she still had a terrible headache. But there was something soothing about Maggie’s voice. Or so she thought for a split second before chasing that unexpected thought out of her mind.

For now, the wristbands were a top priority because they contained the festival pass that had to be activated by their rightful owners upon their arrival. Alex and Maggie started unpacking them, putting them in multiple different piles according to sizes and colors to save time later. They quickly found their rhythm and worked perfectly in sync, much to Maggie’s surprise.

In less than three hours they had accomplished a huge amount of work that guaranteed the events of the weekend would go as smoothly as expected. Time flew and by the time they had finished, Maggie had to admit to herself that her teammate wasn’t so bad after all.

They left the booth near the gates where they had spent the last two hours. Maggie grabbed two beers on her way and made a motion to Alex to sit next to her on the stage. It was the last peaceful moment before hundreds of people from all over the world would invade the festival for thirty-six hours of alcohol, laughs, dancing and music.

Maggie found herself gazing at her. “You know, I prefer to work alone but I have to admit we made a pretty good team, Danvers.”

Alex choked on her beer. “Yeah, I guess we did.” She bumped her shoulder on Maggie’s, a soft smile on her lips.

They stared at each other much longer than necessary until Maggie finally said with a huge smile. “I think you’re gonna love what we’re going to do next.” She stood on her feet and started walking, followed by Alex who still couldn’t grasp how mesmerized she was by this girl she had just met.

There was just something about her. Something she had never felt before, for anyone.

In a moment, they were back in the backstage area where the musicians would usually get ready before their set. Alex was lost in her thoughts, looking over at the stage where they had been sitting only a few moments ago when Maggie abruptly stopped and turned around, causing Alex to crash into her.

Alex quickly took a step back, surprised by the feeling of their bodies touching. “God, sorry.”

“Danvers? Were you listening?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I was.” She massaged her temples, hoping she could magically make the pain go away once and for all.

“Rough night last night, uh?”

Alex nodded in response. “You could say that.”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything but you look like you could use a good night of sleep.”

Alex let out a genuine laugh which made Maggie smile.

_Uh. Cute smile._

“Well, like you said, we don’t have time so... what’s next, Sawyer?”

Maggie was about to tell her that they had better go grab dinner while they still had the chance when Alex’s phone rang. She took it out of her pocket, snorted loudly and typed a reply.

“Something funny?” Maggie asked, slightly annoyed by her sudden lack of interest in her. She didn’t quite understand why it was bothering her that much, but it did.

Alex cleared her throat and put her phone back in her back pocket. “My sister’s asking for free tickets since she’s the one who convinced me to send an application.”

“She did? Why?” Maggie asked as she started walking again, weirdly relieved.

_Because she thinks I work too much and that I deserve to enjoy some time off while in reality I am failing at pretty much everything I do and spending my nights drinking and hooking up with random guys._

Alex followed her. “She knows I love Barenaked Ladies. I couldn’t afford a ticket so she suggested that I could volunteer instead. Like a win-win situation I guess.”

“You do? I love them too. They’re my favorite band at the moment actually. I’ve never seen them live.”

“Really?” Alex made little jumps. “Maybe we can catch them later?” she suggested, her voice giddy with excitement.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Maggie glanced at Alex, wondering how this girl whom she had just met could have in a matter of a few hours made her want to never volunteer alone. Ever again.

“I mean... if you want to. I’m sure you’re gonna be busy with… um- anything and everything,” Alex gestured awkwardly.

Maggie chuckled lightly and tilted her head. “You getting soft on me? That’s cute.”

Alex scoffed. “No.”

_Definitely not. Nope._

“We’re here.”

“Where?” Alex asked, puzzled.

Maggie opened the door. “Hungry?”

The room was filled with people eating and drinking. Benches and tables were all over the place. Alex came to the realization that she had been so absorbed by Maggie for the past few hours that she hadn’t noticed until now that dozens of volunteers had surrounded them all day.

Maggie spotted a vacant table at the corner of the room. She said hello and talked to almost everyone on the way to their table while Alex felt slightly out of place. She would definitely not say no to a drink a little harder than beer. It usually helped her to loosen up.

“You don’t have to sit with me,” Alex finally blurted out. “I mean, if you have friends you need to go talk to or whatever. I’m fine on my own, really.” She shrugged.

Maggie examined her for a split second. Alex looked suddenly vulnerable, like the world was weighing on her shoulders. She figured their banter from earlier was probably just an act but she hadn’t fully realized how lonely and insecure Alex really was.

“I’m fine here, Danvers,” Maggie smiled softly, dimples back with a vengeance. She wasn’t teasing anymore. She just kept genuinely smiling at her, brown eyes sparkling.

But Maggie’s gaze was making Alex self-conscious. She looked down and cleared her throat. “So, pizza or pizza?”

“Oh I don’t know, Danvers. You're making it an impossible task to choose,” Maggie said, backing away towards the food court with both hands up in the air.

_What a dork._

Alex watched her go, her eyes following Maggie as she made her way across the room, pausing for a moment to chat with a few people she clearly knew and who had been waiting for her to pass by. Whether Alex admitted it to herself or not, she couldn’t keep her eyes off of her.

Eventually, Maggie came back with the food and handed Alex her slice. Alex eyed it suspiciously.

“That’s gross,” she said with a grimace.

“Not a fan of pineapple, I see,” Maggie laughed and took the slice back.

Alex snorted and grabbed a different one, realizing how hungry she really was. After the events of the night before, she hadn’t fully rested nor eaten properly. She was exhausted but at least her headache was finally gone.

Maggie decided it was time to give Alex a break. “You did really good today, you know. You totally kept up with me. You were perfect. Thank you.”

_I was what now?_

Alex was a little taken aback. She had gotten used to their usual banter. She regained composure rather quickly, though. “I totally memorized everything you said on purpose.” Alex pointed her finger at her, lips pursed. “I knew you were trying to drown me in details, Sawyer.”

Maggie chuckled, shaking her head. “I won’t deny nor confirm that statement.”

They were both already quite tired, and their shifts hadn’t even properly started yet. Still, they enjoyed each other’s presence as long as they could and continued eating until nothing was left. Conversation was mostly idle small talk, but Maggie was really easy to talk to. Alex hadn’t felt at ease like this with someone other than her sister for a long time. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had spent several hours with someone without getting drunk or making out with them. Except for Kara, of course.

Soon the gates would open and every volunteer would have to go where they needed to be, which for Alex and Maggie meant going their separate ways.

The atmosphere had slowly changed around them. They both knew what was coming. Maggie didn’t want to leave Alex’s side and Alex found herself surprisingly lost in her. She had made a new friend for the first time in a long time and she didn’t even know her first name. She couldn’t ask her now, either. She realized it was too late, the opportunity had passed a long time ago.

Finally, it was Maggie who stood up and locked her eyes with Alex’s. “I have to go. My shift starts in 5 minutes. I’m covering the first band’s concert on the other side of the site.”

“Oh.” Alex took a look at her watch. “Mine only starts in an hour or so.”

This was the only thing Alex managed to breathe out. She wanted to say more but didn’t know how or what, for that matter. She didn’t know how Maggie was feeling either, which made it all even more complicated in her head. Why was she thinking about how Maggie was feeling anyway? She had no idea. She was confused. It didn’t make any sense to her and so she decided to shove those feelings down inside instead. Like she had done countless times before.

A smile appeared at the corner of Maggie’s mouth like she understood it all. “See you around, Danvers,” was the only thing she managed to say before turning on her heels. She briefly glanced back at Alex near the door frame and Alex shyly waved at her in response. They both felt an inexplicable knot in their stomachs at the thought of never seeing each other again.

***

Alex tried not to put too much thought into what had just passed and eventually decided to leave the festival’s cafeteria. She still had an hour to spare before returning to the gates, where her assignment would be to hand out the wristbands she had helped sort through with Maggie a few hours before, so she headed towards the only place she could think of to kill time: the bar. She had quickly spotted several refreshment stalls during her time with Maggie, so she knew well enough where she was going. It was a habit she had recently developed.

Alex knew the festival was one of the largest in the country but she was still surprised by the size of the bar once she got there. She quickly eyed the room to get her bearings. “Crack the Shutters” by Snow Patrol was playing in the back. A couple was sitting on the stools, drinking and laughing, two girls were playing pool and a group of teenagers were playing darts. Two bartenders were cleaning and sorting through bottles of beer for the night's event.

Without further hesitation, she walked up to the bar and immediately ordered a few drinks, enough to let loose like she intended but not quite enough to get drunk. She still had a job to do after all.

She was used to drinking alone, but this time felt somehow different. Come to think of it, the whole day had felt different. She couldn’t help but think of the one person she had spent the past few hours with. She shook her head in disbelief, grabbed her phone and sent a text to her sister.

 **Alex:** You were right, volunteering was a great idea.

The reply came in instantly.

 **Kara:** I’m always right! How’s the guy they paired you up with?

Alex frowned. She had forgotten about that.

 **Alex:** Never showed up. They made me volunteer with someone else instead.

 **Kara:** Made you? How did that turn out?

Alex thought that it had turned out for the best, that she'd had the best day since a long time, but she didn’t want to get into those details with her sister in case they would raise unwanted questions. She kept it simple instead.

 **Alex:** Great, we got along. Don’t worry. Gotta go, I’ll call you later.

By the time she left the bar, it was dark outside. The outdoor lights were already on and the festivities were slowly beginning to come to life. The three-day event seemed to be about to go off without a hitch regardless of the damp weather and promise of rain. The number of attendees was growing by the minute, and Alex knew she would probably be wanted somewhere at the gates.

***

Alex's three hours shift ended up flying by smoothly. Encouraged by her time with Sawyer, she even took the opportunity to meet new volunteers, but none of it felt quite as exhilarating. She felt as if something was missing. Or someone. Maybe.

Once her shift ended, she decided to catch the Barenaked Ladies gig for which she had volunteered in the first place. She figured she might as well make the most of it while she was there.

Alex still wasn’t able to understand why she couldn’t get Maggie out of her head, but eventually she stopped wondering and convinced herself she probably wasn’t going to see the girl again anyway. Nobody in their right mind would even try to find her in a crowd this big.

But then there she was.

Alex blinked once. Twice. Three times.

“Sawyer.” Alex took a step closer. “What- what are you doing here?” was all she could ask, nearly breathless.

_How did she find me?_

Maggie stared at her, enjoying the view. The rain was beginning to run down her hair and her face. Alex had never looked more beautiful.

“I’m taking you up on that offer.”

_Oh._

Maggie suddenly took her hand and intertwined their fingers together. “Come on, let’s go. It’s raining.” She dragged an astonished Alex into the crowd, trying to make their way up to the front stage, right under the bleachers near the backstage area where the volunteers were allowed to watch the show. It was also more intimate, Maggie thought. Not that it mattered, obviously.

They were able to progress quite easily until the crowd grew larger. Alex tried to hang on to Maggie’s hand but had to let go eventually. She quickly glanced around, wondering where she could have gone, but for a moment Maggie was nowhere to be seen. Then she felt eyes on her and turned her head to the left. “Danvers!” She saw Maggie’s hand in the air, waiting for her to grab it. She did as much and held onto it harder this time.

The Barenaked Ladies were about to start their show. The lights went dark and music finally filled the air without effort, the sound rushing in and around every person. Alex looked at their fingers, still intertwined, and gave them a little squeeze in excitement. Maggie squeezed back without looking at her, eyes fixed on the stage. She couldn’t believe how much she had already missed her. She knew in that moment that she was completely head over heels with Alex.

The first songs on the set list turned out to be all classics and soon the whole crowd was enthusiastically clapping, dancing and singing along, including Maggie. Alex knew the lyrics by heart too, and eventually she joined in, starting to sing along to the familiar words.

As soon as Alex opened her mouth, her voice took Maggie by surprise. They were far enough from the crowd, so she could clearly hear her over the band, and what she distinctly heard was a beautiful, angelic voice.

This time it was Maggie who couldn’t take her eyes off of her. She took advantage of a break between two songs to lean closer to Alex and whispered to her ear. “I didn’t know you could sing, Danvers.”

Alex smiled and locked her hazel eyes into Maggie’s. “There’s plenty you don’t know about me, Sawyer.” She gazed at Maggie’s lips longer than she had intended to.

Maggie chose to ignore the flirtatious tone in Alex’s voice. She also chose to ignore the fact that her heart was now racing at a dangerous pace.

When the lights went on again, the band started singing One Week. Alex immediately started dancing to the beat and brought Maggie closer to her, grinning.

“Come on, dance with me!”

She turned around and slowed down her dancing, hands in the hair and her back against Maggie, who froze on the spot and could only stare at her, mouth agape.

She was unable to think, unable to breathe, unable to move.

Alex quickly caught up on what was happening and turned back around to face Maggie. She stared at her for a few seconds and then closed the distance between them like a magnet attracted to a piece of metal.

She didn’t quite know what she was doing, nor why, but she reached out to put a lock of hair behind Maggie’s ear. With effort, Maggie looked up and locked her eyes with Alex’s again.

“Danvers...” was the only thing Maggie could let out in a desperate breath before Alex leaned in and slowly brushed her lips against hers. Maggie’s knees went weak. Her mind went spinning. Her body went tense, but her hands ultimately found Alex’s elbows to steady herself.

It took a moment for Maggie to respond but when she did, it was like Christmas and the 4th of July combined. It was messy and wet until she opened her mouth and let her tongue do its magic on Alex’s.

After a while, she finally pulled back for air and exhaled, smiling against Alex’s lips. “I- I wasn’t sure you were into girls.”

_I’m not._

It hit Alex as the air around them abruptly cooled down. What was she doing? She wasn’t into girls. She couldn’t. She never liked girls. She dated boys. Men, specifically.

Alex’s eyes widened. “I’m not.”

Maggie giggled. “Danvers, you just kissed me…”

Alex stared at her with dismay. “No, I know I did. I- I- just… I don’t know why. I- I- don’t know.. um- what I was thinking.”

“Hey, hey. It’s cool. I’m cool with it, really,” Maggie tried to reassure her, but she already knew where this conversation was heading. It was nothing she hadn’t already heard before.

Alex put her hands on Maggie’s shoulders and pushed back harder than she thought she would. “No, you don’t understand. I’m not like _that_. I’m not like _you_.”

Maggie nodded. “Right, I get it you’re not gay.”

“NO! I’m not,” she yelled. “I’m- I’m not a… a...”

Maggie picked up on Alex’s mind and took a step back. “A what, Danvers? A Dyke? Is that the word you’re looking for?”

_No._

_Yes._

“I’m gonna go...”

Alex started walking backwards, shaking her head.

“Danvers! Wait...”

But she didn’t. She left Maggie there, trembling fingers on her lips, disappearing into the crowd as fast as she could.

Paralyzed for a moment, it took a few seconds for Maggie to look over the crowd. There must have been at least hundreds of people, probably more. She knew she would never find her, not again, but she tried desperately anyway. To no avail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English still isn't my first language but again I hope it was still enjoyable.  
> Next chapter Alex decides it's time for closure. Maggie agrees.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Alex and Maggie finally get to talk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a (very very) long time, almost a year even, but i finally got around to writing and finishing this story. Get ready for a little bit of angst though but with a happy ending because those two are definitely soulmates and endgame. 
> 
> Thanks to my betareader, Akh, this story can continue on.

“Alex!” Kara knocked at the door. “I know you’re in there.” She leaned her forehead against the door and whispered softly: “Alex?” She waited for a few seconds but was met with silence. “Let me in, please.”

Alex wanted to be left alone. She had hoped Kara would still go on her own date despite what had happened, but she also knew her sister well enough not to be surprised that she had shown up at her place instead.

But Alex had no time for her now. She was busy fighting her own battle against herself, wanting so badly to lose control and yet at the same time feeling a strong desire not to. In the two years that Alex had been sober, she had never been more tempted to take a shot than she was in that moment, and usually when that happened, she did not want an audience.

When Alex had left, she had walked as fast as she could in the warm night, thankful it was still September, and let her feet guide her through the tiles of National City until she eventually made it home from her bookstore that had been the rendezvous point of the unfortunate blind date.

The rush of fear and panic that had left her body high on adrenaline when she had seen _Sawyer_ again was starting to die down. Back there, it had been about leaving and avoiding awkwardness and ridicule whilst she had barely been able to hold down the lump in her throat, having a hard time swallowing, breathing, and thinking all at once. It had been too much to take in. All she knew was that seeing _her_ again was more than she could handle on a blind date.

But now that she was safe and sound in her own home, _Sawyer_ was all she could think about. Alex had not believed she would ever see her again, no matter how much she might have wished for it. In the three years that had passed, she had never stopped thinking about Sawyer, about that day, about that concert, about how close she had felt to her, and about that kiss. She had never stopped thinking about Maggie’s lips on her own, or how nobody else had felt quite the same after her.

She had also never stopped thinking about how it had all gone down afterwards, but the one common conclusion had always been that it was in the past. She truly had never thought she would see Sawyer again. And she had made her peace with that fact. Or so she had thought. Now she would have to reconsider everything that came with the unexpected return of Maggie Sawyer in her life.

Alex would have been lying if she said she had never thought of the coulds, the maybes, and the what ifs over the years. What if she had been in a better place when Maggie Sawyer showed up and turned her life upside down? What if she hadn’t ran? What if she had known back then that she was a lesbian or at least been better prepared to consider the possibility?

What if they had seen each other again that night?

What if.

How could this woman still have that kind of power over her after all this time? The kind of power that ironically left her powerless just when Alex needed to be in control. After three years, she had thought she had left her past behind her. She had thought she was doing fine.

It had been a lie.

She was still trying to make sense of it all, of the feelings that were suddenly and painfully overwhelming her when she heard her sister knocking one more time.

“Go away, Kara!”

Instead of hearing retreating footsteps as she had hoped, Alex could hear her sister rummaging through her purse and could immediately guess what she was doing. She heaved a frustrated sigh and silently admitted defeat, but still would not move to open the door. Just because Kara was looking for her spare key, it didn’t mean she was going to get up and make things easier for her. At least this way she still had a few seconds left to herself.

“You’re home,” Kara pretended to be shocked as she entered a moment later, closing the door behind her.

She moved quickly around the apartment, looking for a light switch. Just as the light went on, Alex thought it seemed like Kara was about to ask what had happened, but to Alex’s surprise she did not.

Instead, Kara sat down on the couch near her sister and looked at for a moment in silence. When Alex said nothing, she prompted her gently: “Alex, talk to me.”

But Alex couldn’t quite get the words out just yet.

Without pushing for an answer, Kara quietly settled more comfortably on the couch and let her sister breathe, calming her down by simply being there, and waited for her to finally be able to get her thoughts together.

They had both lost track of time by the time Alex finally started talking, a glass of water in her hand that she silently wished was something else. “You should get back to your date.” Her voice was ragged, mirroring her current thoughts.

“There’s no way I’m leaving you alone.” Kara waited for her sister to fight her but was once again met with silence until she took a deep breath and continued: “I am not leaving your side because I know what you’re thinking right now. You are not going down that road again. Not after all this time.” Her voice was soft but her tone was strong and persuasive.

Alex knew Kara well enough to know that she wasn’t going to let her do anything she wasn’t supposed to, but she had still needed to hear it too. She had needed to hear that her sister was going to be there for her.

Of all the things that could have gone wrong that night, Kara never thought an old flame would force Alex to run away, let alone make her look so miserable.

“I panicked,” Alex let out a heavy sigh she didn’t know she had been holding and finally met her sister’s blue eyes. “I recognized her and I just- I completely panicked.”

Alex put down her glass of water and added, “I feel so stupid.”

They had never really talked about what had happened three years ago. All Kara knew was that Alex’s life had gone downhill after she came out to her and her mom. It had taken time but she had eventually recovered and accepted herself, which admittedly had helped her sister a lot during her own coming out process.

“It’s not that bad,” Kara said, trying to reassure her as best as she could. “I mean-” Kara cleared her throat, aware that she hadn't sounded all that convincing. “Blind dates do go wrong. It happens.”

“This one went wrong before it even started,” Alex scoffed.

“It could have gone way worse,” Kara stated, trying to be more convincing this time.

“Explain to me how?” Alex said looking at her sister, doubtful.

Kara stared at her sister, clearly thinking as fast and as hard as she could. “Oh! I know!” she exclaimed after a moment, clearly pleased with her idea. “She could have stood you up. Now that’s worse, someone who doesn’t show up at all.”

“Actually, I would have taken that scenario over what happened tonight,” Alex exhaled and drank her glass of water.

“Alex, I’m so sorry. I never should have pushed you into this.”

“You did nothing wrong, Kara. It was just the wrong date with the wrong person on the wrong night.”

Kara frowned. She still didn’t quite understand why Alex had run away instead of facing someone she hadn't seen in years and maybe taking the opportunity to talk about what had happened in the past, but it was a conversation for another time. For now, she just wanted to help Alex figure things out.

“Was it though?” Kara tentatively replied, a shy smile on her face. “Maybe you need closure.”

Alex let the words sink in.

Closure.

She slowly exhaled. “I’m not sure she’d want to see me again after tonight.”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know. It's complicated and I'm really busy right now, it's not a good time.”

Alex could hear herself talk and knew it sounded like she was making excuses rather than considering the possibility of seeing Maggie Sawyer again.

“Well, you know where to find her now. If you ever change your mind.”

Alex nodded noncommittally, signaling she was done talking for now. She needed some time alone and declined Kara's invitation to grab a late bite. Instead, she walked down the hallway, quietly closing the guest room’s door behind her.

Once alone, Alex decided to take out her frustration on the heavy bag hanging in the room. She kept punching relentlessly for hours in a desperate need for the sense of numbness in her mind that alcohol couldn’t provide her anymore. In the past, she had tried several things before ultimately deciding on boxing as her go-to stress relief. And that night, even when she thought she'd had enough, she kept going to make sure that her need for a drink was completely gone. She kept going until her arms and her knuckles couldn’t take it anymore.

But the more she was punching, the more her memories of the first time she met Maggie Sawyer kept coming back to the surface. Maybe seeing her again hadn't been such a bad thing after all. Maybe it was time for closure.

***

It was already pretty late, but as soon as Maggie got home, she slipped into a pair of leggings and a tank top, put on her sneakers and went for a run to avoid replaying the events of the night in her head. She liked running with headphones on as it usually helped her take her mind off of things.

Trying to put the evening's encounter out of her mind, but far from succeeding at it, Maggie finally gave up her attempt altogether when the Barenaked Ladies began blaring in her ears. There was no point to keep fighting the inevitable. She clearly could not stop thinking about _her_ and now even her playlist was working against her.

Back home and after a shower, where she still couldn’t get the woman out of her head, Maggie went to bed, exhausted but unfortunately wide awake.

_Danvers._

_Alex._

Alex Danvers. Maggie liked the sound of that. For days, weeks, months and in all honesty for at least two years it had always been _Danvers_. The Barenaked Ladies slash med student slash cold beers lover slash the girl who had kissed her and run away the second she'd realized the mistake she'd made.

And now it was Alex Danvers, a woman dating other women slash bookseller slash the woman who had run away the second she realized it was her.

Again.

Shit. It was a lot to take in, and her mind was evidently spinning.

_Spinning._ Very much like the first and only time Alex Danvers had kissed her. Maggie closed her eyes and brought her fingers to her lips. She had never forgotten about that kiss and now she desperately wanted to relive that feeling.

She couldn’t really explain why she had never stopped thinking about that night for over two years. She had kissed girls before and girls had kissed her since. That one had just been different in every possible way. It had been soft and passionate, needy and messy, wet but dry, dizzying but unfaltering.

It had been everything and nothing all at once.

Nothing because that night she had never found Alex Danvers again.

And now the vivid memories were back in full force and refusing to leave her. All things considered, Maggie knew her chances of getting any sleep were very slim. Even on good days she would only get five or six hours of sleep, but at least it was still enough. On bad days, like the one she had just had, she would get none. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to as too many questions remained unanswered. Her mind wouldn't even let her try.

She turned her head towards the bedside table, facing the clock indicating 4:37am. She had early classes in the next morning but it wouldn't be the first time she'd handle dozens of students after one sleepless night.

Maggie was a criminal justice teacher. She was not a published teacher yet but in a couple of months she would be, to her great pride, and it would be her biggest career accomplishment so far. Her special field was largely part of criminal justice studies and she had chosen to base her doctoral thesis on the rights of women and children refugees in America.

In another life, if Maggie didn’t like teaching so much, she could have been a police officer, a detective even. Several times she had considered quitting in order to pursue a career in law enforcement, but she loved seeing her students debating and asking the right questions. More than anything, she loved the sight of a light bulb being switched on in their minds and watching them learn.

And frankly, Maggie was pretty damn good at her job, even with so little sleep.

Certain by this point that she would be getting none now, she let the events of the night play out in her mind again, despite knowing it was the last thing she needed.

Danvers had been her blind date. _Danvers._

Her blind date showing up had actually been a pleasant surprise because she had been dreading being stood up, but not in a million years could she have predicted seeing _her_ again. What were the odds?

Maggie couldn’t decide if it was a good thing or a bad one in the end, and that was precisely what was keeping her awake. All she could think of was what had happened three years ago. For weeks after the night of the festival, Maggie had had an internal debate about whether or not she should have gone after Alex, and tonight her reaction to seeing her again was proof that this time around deciding against it had been the right call.

It had been at least a year since she had thought about the festival she had volunteered at and the girl who had kissed her in the crowd, and yet, after all this time, she could still confirm without a doubt that it had been one of the greatest days of her life.

Maggie remembered that after freezing on the spot, she had tried to track Alex down, several times, going in circles in the hope of finding her, talking to her, apologizing to her. Anything really, but she had never found her.

Maggie remembered that even after that night she had tried to locate her for some time, but with only her surname and nothing else to go on, it had been like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Even the social medias she had tried at the time had been of no help.

Maggie remembered that all summer long, whenever the Barenaked Ladies were performing around town, Maggie would either volunteer or show up at the concert in the hope of unexpectedly running into Alex.

Maggie remembered that she had eventually moved on and _Danvers_ had slowly become a distant memory, one that she eventually let go of.

Until tonight.

After all this time, she finally knew where to find her, and maybe now she could get the closure she had always wanted. Maybe, just maybe, she could tell her all the things she never had the chance to tell her before.

Maggie pushed the covers aside and sat on the edge of her bed. Was she really about to do what she was thinking of doing? She couldn’t. Right? If she had learned anything from tonight, it was that Alex Danvers didn't want to have anything to do with her. After all, she had ran away from Maggie twice now. That was not a good track record.

Unlike three years ago, tonight Maggie had stayed put and simply watched Alex go, for valid reasons. Going after someone who ran away every time they met would only have been madness. Nobody in their right mind would have attempted it.

And yet Maggie was not satisfied.

On a whim, she suddenly reached for her pair of jeans and then looked for a shirt she eventually found on the floor near her bed. After putting on the only two things she needed to make this crazy idea work, she stopped in her tracks to reconsider for a moment, but the gravitational pull towards Alex was indubious and too strong to fight. It was now or never.

Her right hand on the doorknob, she shut her eyes and exhaled one last time. She knew her lack of sleep usually lead to bad and rushed decisions but it was an issue for her tomorrow self.

_You know what they say_ , she thought as the pushed the door open. _Third time’s the charm._

***

Alex was up before the sun even peeked above the horizon. Suffice it to say that she hadn't gotten much sleep that night, despite spending hours punching the heavy bag. She had thought “sleeping on it” would help her make a decision, but she still didn’t know if she was ready to see Maggie again or not, assuming that Maggie even wanted to see her.

It had been three years. Surely she could get past what had happened and they could at least talk it out now that they were both in National City again. Alex winced at the idea of reliving the awkwardness, the shame, _the kiss_ and the coming out that had come after that.

After she was done drinking her coffee, Alex went straight to her bookstore with a brooding expression on her face, which was quickly replaced by confusion when she reached for the door.

She stared bewildered at the tiny white piece of paper tucked at the corner of the double wooden doors and looked around the street as if she was going to find the answer to her question.

As she opened the door, Alex grabbed the note and in the process forgot to turn the sign from ‘closed’ to ‘open’. Too absorbed by her find, she didn't even notice a delivery that had been made, or the countless emails waiting for her on her laptop.

Drumming her fingers against the counter where she put the note, she was debating whether or not she should open it now or later when Kara gently tapped at the window, silently asking if she could come in, which Alex confirmed with a nod.

“Why are you up so early dressed as Batwoman?” Alex asked and that seemed to make Kara confused.

“Me? Alex did you sleep at all?” Kara said, twirling her cape as she approached her sister near the counter, nearly tripping.

“I did,” Alex assured her and Kara wrinkled her nose. “I’m fine. I was just up early so I thought I might as well work. And then I got this,” Alex gestured at the piece of paper.

“Is it from Maggie? Did she leave you this?” Kara asked excitedly, almost clapping her hands together. “It’s such a teacher thing to do.”

“Schrödinger's cat,” Alex said, her voice low.

“Uh?”

“It's quantum mechanics.”

“What does that have to do with Maggie?

“It means if I don't open it, it may or may not be from Maggie. Basically.”

Alex looked up at her sister and found her utterly puzzled. “Don't make me explain it again, it's too early,” she sighed.

Alex stared at the note, her brow furrowed.

“I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Dinner tonight, my place, no costume,” Alex said hastily, seeing that Kara was on her way out.

“Not if you don’t open it. And if you must know “Superhero Week” is coming soon so I might try another one tonight,” she heard her sister reply in a sing-song voice, closing the door behind her as she made sure the sign was turned to ‘open’.

Alex pouted but decided to take a leap of faith and hope for the best. 

_Alex,_

_If I had known it was you I still would have wanted to see you._

_Maggie_

_(262) 224-8803_

Her mouth twitched, and she bit her lower lip, fighting a smile. But the smile would break out despite Alex's attempt to stop it; butterflies seemed to be fluttering in the pit of her stomach and it was as if the sun had finally risen up in the sky and made a home right there in her heart.

She let that smile widen into a brilliant grin.

***

It had been three days since Alex found the note. She had texted Maggie almost right away, still grinning like a teenager after a first kiss, relieved that Maggie wanted to see her after everything that happened between them. She had no idea what “talk” would entail but Alex felt the need to tell her as much.

She wasn’t particularly proud. She knew she didn't have the best track record, but Maggie didn't seem to hold it against her, or at least not enough to keep her from reaching out. She had never thought she could have another chance, let alone a third one but here she was, trying to come to terms with the fact that she had abruptly left Maggie twice already.

The first time had been because a realization had hit her like a ton of bricks as soon as the kiss had ended. The second time she had simply panicked, shame washing over her as she remembered the first time. So yeah, Alex had her reasons and she wanted to explain. She owed Maggie that much at least.

It was overwhelming but it was timely and needed. With Kara’s words about closure in the back of her mind, Alex was getting ready for her “meeting” (she frankly had no idea what to call it) with Maggie when she picked up her phone and read their brief exchange for the umpteenth time.

**(262) 224-2902 - 7:45am**

I got your note, thank you. Maybe we could talk? -Alex 

**(262) 224-8803 - 9:14am**

I’d like that. Are you free next week? -Maggie

**Alex - 10:00am**

Name a time and place, I’ll be there.

**Sawyer - 11:22pm**

“Off-world'ers” monday, 8pm. At the end of the back alley. (not a trap :). See you there.

Alex was just about to drop the phone back on her bed when it suddenly started buzzing in her hand. Kara was calling.

“It’s date night!” Kara literally yelled into the phone before Alex could even get a word in. She rolled her eyes.

“It’s not a date,” Alex denied, looking at the shirts she had put on her bed, still indecisive about which one to wear.

“Are you already choosing an outfit?” Kara teased.

“I’m not!” She totally was and couldn’t decide. “Why would I do that, we meet in two hours,” Alex scoffed.

“Go with the red one. Looks good on you,” Kara said with conviction.

“Fine,” Alex conceded, rolling her eyes. “Jeans?”

“Skinny dark grey.”

“Shoes?”

“Boots.”

“Jacket?”

“Leather, duh.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Kara responded. “Are you nervous?”

“It was my idea Kara. But um- maybe a little,” Alex replied because she was a bit more than that if she was being honest.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. Who knows maybe it-”

“Don’t say it,” Alex cut her sister off. “It’s not a date. Just two people talking. Hopefully.”

“If you say so. Have a good non-date then.”

“Thanks, sis. Hey, are you okay? You seem tired?”

They kept talking for a few more minutes. Kara argued that even though she was indeed exhausted, Alex didn't need to reschedule her non-date. Alex still insisted on swinging by before she headed to the bar but didn't manage to convince Kara, who anyway would have a lot on her plate that night in preparation of her “Superhero Week” at the bakery. She was still trying to find the perfect outfit to greet her customers.

Not even fifteen minutes later, Alex was crossing the street in a hurry. She never made it to her non-date with Maggie. 

***

Maggie parked her Triumph in the alleyway. Her nerves had got the better of her, and so she had gotten there early. Very early, in fact. Like half an hour kind of early.

They had decided to meet at a bar. Maggie had actually been the one to choose the place, a dive bar she had grown fond of in the last few weeks since she had been in National City, only two blocks away from Alex’s bookstore, as Maggie had noticed. She had found it accidentally after a night out and instantly understood why it was hidden between two huge buildings in the back of a dark alleyway.

People from all walks of life had made this place their own. The crowd was different from your average bar and rock music dominated the atmosphere. When the place was packed, you could find a place far enough at the back where the booths were located where you could still hear yourself think, and when it was a slow night, you could enjoy the jukebox all by yourself and play pool, alone or with familiar, friendly faces. It was nothing like the fancy clubs and bars that her students usually went to, so naturally Maggie had quickly felt like she belonged and had become a regular to the point where her usual beer was served the second she was pushing the doors open.

But now, suddenly having second thoughts, Maggie was wondering if it had been the best idea. It was not fancy, not like Alex’s bookstore fancy, and it was crowded for a Monday night. Her favorite bartender, M’gann, was working tonight and as Maggie waved at her, the tension on her shoulders lifted a little.

“My coldest beer,” M’gann said as she greeted Maggie with a warm smile.

“Thanks, I need it,” Maggie said, grabbing the bottle and letting her eyes dart around the room.

“Nervous tonight?”

Maggie looked back at her. “A little. I- um I’m meeting someone I haven’t seen in a long time and I don’t know if they're gonna show up to be honest.”

“What’s her name?”

Maggie squinted her eyes, smirking at M’gann's clear-sightedness. “Alex.”

“Let’s toast to Alex showing up then,” she proclaimed, raising her own beer.

Maggie wished she didn’t have such doubts about Alex but the truth was that she was a flight risk. As she clinked her beer with M'gann, Maggie was relieved to know that at least one friendly face would be in attendance that night in case things wouldn’t turn out the way Maggie hoped they would.

It was not that Alex wasn't friendly, of course, but Maggie would argue that constantly running away was not exactly what she was looking for in a “friend”, for lack of a better word. She knew well enough that it wasn't going to be a date, so friendship was the next best thing she could hope for, even though that might have been optimistic too, considering that after all this time they knew absolutely nothing about each other. The only thing she was sure of was that Alex had freaked out when she saw her again. And that three years ago she had liked the Barenaked Ladies.

Their texts had been nothing but amicable and very grown-up, which admittedly put Maggie at ease and even eager to finally be able to see Alex and talk, maybe even be friends. She just had to keep reminding herself that dating was definitely out of the equation. There was too much history between them and now even more so after Alex had left their blind date, but Maggie could still use a friend that wasn't also a co-worker.

She remembered Alex liked beer so she went for a safe choice and ordered two in anticipation, hoping it would be kind enough to help Alex get more comfortable around her. Maggie was stacking all odds in her favour.

Moving towards the back of the dive bar with two beers in her hands, Maggie made sure to choose one of the booths far from the center. She hoped they would get a semblance of privacy there for what they would have to talk about. It was a long time coming and Maggie was also hoping for some kind of closure. She hadn't handled the situation as well as she could have and wanted to apologize to Alex. She owed her that much.

By the time Maggie looked at her watch for the fifth time, she had been waiting for Alex for almost an hour. She left forty-five minutes later with a heavy heart, leaving two warm beers on the table. 

***

Alex used to like hospitals. The air had an undertone of bleach and the polished linoleum floor that decorated the corridors was often scraped in places, attesting to the countless rushes of adrenaline from nurses and surgeons, but now they were all just a painful reminder of what Alex could have done with her life if hadn't gone downhill.

Now she hated hospitals with a passion.

“I’m so sorry you missed your date with Maggie I- ow, ow, ow, ow,” Kara yelled as the double doors of the emergency room closed heavily on her right foot, now in a brand new cast.

“Oh my god, sorry I wasn’t looking,” Alex said apologetically, stopping the wheelchair abruptly, eliciting new moans of pain from her sister. Her mind was elsewhere.

“And for the last time it was not a date,” Alex added hastily, helping Kara through the double doors again, this time with no more induced trauma.

She really had missed her non-date with Maggie and silently hoped they could reschedule soon. She might have been nervous but she had still been looking forward to it, whatever it was. She couldn’t hold it against Kara, though. It wasn’t her fault that she had tripped and fallen on the cape of her Supergirl costume.

Right, maybe it was her fault but it had not been done on purpose.

“Still, I feel really bad,” Kara whined. “Maybe it's not too late, you should drop me home and go see her.”

Alex hesitated. “I don't have my phone but I’ll send her a text to apologize at least.”

On their drive home, Kara was taking selfies and sharing her latest adventures on every single one of her social media accounts, leaving Alex alone with her thoughts. The car clock indicated 9:02pm. If she grabbed her bike instead of walking to “Off-world’ers” like she had intended to in the first place then maybe, just maybe she could still catch Maggie.

Alex found herself desperately wanting Maggie to have waited for her.

***

“Alex, right?” the bartender said and Alex flashed a hopeful smile. “She waited for you for a while but I'm sorry she already left.”

Her smile died faster than wisps of smoke dissipated after a candle flame had been snuffed out.

Surprised that the bartender even knew her name, Alex nodded. She really had hoped Maggie would still be there which, now that she thought about it, had been idiotic. She was more than an hour late.

“Thank you,” she said to the bartender, leaving the bar and reaching for her phone in her pocket before remembering that she had left it at her place.

Hopping on her bike, Alex rode away, letting her sadness wash over her. Everything had gone wrong but she still hoped she could make things right by Maggie soon.

***

Maggie felt foolish for having been hopeful. Riding home, she didn't even take a detour like she usually did. As a ritual, she liked to feel her Bonneville roaring between her legs and the purr of the engine beneath her. That night it wouldn't have helped her get over the sorrow she was feeling. All she wanted was to crash on her couch and find the familiar emptiness of her apartment again.

It was not like she hadn't expected Alex to let her down. It had taken some getting used to but Maggie had learned to lower her expectations. And even though over the years she had gotten used to people abandoning her, this time it oddly felt like she had just been run over. She wished she hadn't gotten her hopes up just this one time.

Finally arriving in her parking lot, and still trying to shut down the hope of hearing from Alex, Maggie felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. Her helmet in one hand and her phone in the other she unlocked it. Maggie hadn't expected a text from Alex, after all she had bailed on her, but she hadn't expected one from M’gann either 

**M’gann - 9:22pm**

She showed up. Just left the bar.

Staring at her phone, mouth agape, Maggie was at a loss for words. She typed a quick reply and put her helmet back on and rode her bike again, this time to the only place she knew where she could find Alex.

Warmth found its way back into the pit of her stomach again as she rode through the streets of National City, almost disregarding speed limits. It had never felt so right to have been wrong.

***

Looking through her emails, Alex decided to take a break. She unlocked her phone and opened her conversation with Maggie.

Just as she was trying to think of a way to word a proper apology, she heard knocking. She frowned, knowing that it couldn't be Kara. Her sister was persistent and they had a great relationship but even she wouldn't have hopped all the way from across the street with a cast on her leg just to check up on her.

Intrigued, Alex leaned forward over the counter and looked up at the door. She stopped breathing for a split second and nearly fell off her chair. It was Maggie.

If it had been anyone else, Alex would have dropped her gaze but with Maggie she was drawn to her, closer, wanting more. Just like three years ago, she couldn't get her eyes off of her. She couldn’t look away, nor did she want to.

Alex walked past the few shelves and the comfy seating until she reached the door and unlocked it. Not once did she avoid Maggie’s warm smile and bright eyes, and she didn’t fail to notice that Maggie's gaze was following her as she made her way across the bookstore.

“Hey,” Alex said as she opened the door, letting a rush of fresh air inside, mixed with a perfume she instantly recognized to her surprise. “What are you doing here?”

Alex felt Maggie’s gaze intensify as she stared at her for longer than she had probably intended. She could swear that she saw relief in her eyes as she slowly exhaled and her shoulders dropped down.

“You showed up. At the bar,” Maggie said matter-of-factly.

Maybe not everything was going wrong after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise next chapter they finally get to talk and get the closure they think they want. 
> 
> If you like this story, you can check out the other one I am co-writing called "Senior Year" with my friend sarcasticsapphic (chapter 3 should be posted really soon).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie finally talk and they're complete idiots about their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot to Akh my wonderful beta for helping me finish this story.

Alex blinked a few times as if Maggie had just told her something she didn’t already know. Mouth agape, she couldn’t will her lips to move. As if stuck underwater, everything was slow and warbled as Maggie stared right back at her.

She searched her mind for something reasonable to say. And after a few seconds of what seemed to be turning into a staring contest, Alex’s voice broke the complete silence. “I did. I was uh-” she stuttered, putting a trembling finger on her forehead. “I didn’t know if you were still there, not that I expected you to still be at the bar of course,” she pointed at Maggie, stammering her way through it. “Because I- I-was really late and um- I should have called and I-”

Maggie decided to put an end to her rambling, despite finding it disarmingly cute. “I’m glad you did,” she said, smiling softly as something that was oddly resembling warmth found its way to Alex’s chest. “Whatever kept you, I'm glad you still came.”

Maggie looked at her feet before glancing back up to catch Alex’s eye. She could feel the rush of excitement from a few minutes ago rapidly dissipating, nervousness creeping into her stomach instead.

Making eye contact with Alex felt like a mixture of a breath of fresh air and a burning fire, utterly consuming and yet invigorating. Mostly it simply left her dumbfounded. Her breath was still catching in her chest when she laid eyes on Alex and, as she did so, Maggie felt a blush rise to her face.

Something she hadn't felt since _that_ night three years ago.

She hadn’t really thought everything through when she had hastily hopped back on her Bonneville, too exhilarated by the possibility of seeing Alex that night. Before parking near the bookstore, she had almost turned around and left. It had seemed like it would be awkward, and Maggie hated putting herself in awkward situations.

But then she had spotted a pizza place across the street and decided to buy one on a whim, bringing beers too, for good measure. After all, two warm ones were probably still sitting at the bar where they were supposed to have met.

Somehow it had felt less daunting to knock on her door with something to bring instead of standing there empty handed, waiting for her to open. Of course, she had been wrong. Now that she stood there with a pizza in one hand and two beers in another, it still felt daunting, but perhaps just a little bit more bearable.

“Hungry?” she asked, nodding towards the pizza in her hand.

Alex raised her eyebrows.

“Um- yes, come in. Please.”

Even in the dark, Maggie's bright brown eyes on her were as soft as Alex remembered. She moved slightly from the door and felt Maggie inexplicably shiver as she walked through and brushed lightly against Alex’s shoulder, finally stepping inside her shop.

The bookstore was as beautiful as Maggie had imagined it would be on the night of their failed blind date. She briefly thought of all the other times she had meant to walk in but never had. What if they had met again sooner? What if they had simply run into each other by chance?

 _What if?_ remained one of the questions Maggie had kept asking herself ever since she had crossed paths with Alex again, and she wondered if she would ever stop.

Maybe tonight, maybe after they’d had a talk.

Maybe they could part ways amicably like it was always meant to be. If that's what Alex wanted, then Maggie wanted nothing more than to make Alex feel as comfortable as she could. And maybe, just maybe they could get some closure after all this time. She didn’t know about Alex, but Maggie desperately needed it.

Her thoughts were put on hold as Alex quietly indicated the sofa, close to her desk but far enough from the entrance for them to enjoy each other's company without anyone being able to spot them from the outside.

The faint glimmer of moonlight from outside was not providing enough light, so Alex lit up a lamp as she walked up to the sofa, making the seating area even more intimate. In that moment, Maggie felt it would be so easy to put her heart on her sleeve, but she didn’t know if she was ready to, the mere thought of it making her shudder.

Alex cleared her throat and sat next to Maggie, her hands clasped tightly while her left leg went under her other one, leaving her foot balancing awkwardly in the air. Alex seemed as nervous as Maggie was, which was reassuring in a way, but Maggie intended that to change as she wanted to make Alex feel more at ease.

She placed the pizza and the beers on the small coffee table in front of them. Magazines and books were scattered around and to Maggie it looked more like a cozy living room than an actual bookshop, which was probably the effect Alex was looking for.

“So-”

“Are you-”

They laughed nervously and some of the palpable tension in the room diffused itself instantly. Clearly only some of it, though, Maggie mused as she ran her hand through her hair. At that moment, she was too preoccupied by her own thoughts to notice Alex’s eyes on her, studying her briefly but carefully, finding her beauty as intact as she had remembered.

“You go,” Alex said, quickly looking down at her hands, hoping her staring had gone unnoticed.

Maggie smiled awkwardly and tried to compose herself as silently as she could, drawing a sharp breath. The flutter in her chest was the last straw and she decided to dive in instead of stalling like she had originally planned to. It seemed like nothing with Alex Danvers was ever going to go like she thought it would.

“I’m sorry about the whole blind date thing from the other day. I didn't know and- and back then we never said our names,” Maggie chuckled awkwardly and hated how unsure she sounded. “Looks kind of dumb now I guess, that we never asked.”

It wasn't all of it, but it wasn’t a lie either. Maggie had been taken aback for sure, but it was _Alex Danvers_ , the woman she had forced herself to forget after several months of regret and frustration about the way they had left things. She didn't think she could handle telling Alex everything in that moment, nor did she think Alex would be interested in knowing.

Alex looked back up. In a split second, she realized that Maggie had come all the way back from the bar to the store without even knowing if Alex would be there. But most importantly, it hit Alex that Maggie had been waiting for her all that time. They had almost made it but missed each other by mere minutes. She didn’t know what to do with that information and decided to deal with it later, once her brain would get back on track.

She wanted to tell Maggie that it didn’t matter now, that she was glad in the end that she had been her blind date. But would Maggie even believe her after she had bailed on her twice already? Three times if she counted tonight.

Alex couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not when she knew it was not reciprocated.

“Yeah,” she said in a whisper. “You don’t have to apologize though, you didn’t know. _I_ didn’t know.” Alex waved it off to let Maggie know she wasn’t holding anything against her, but she still couldn’t bring herself to relax.

Privately reliving what had happened on the night of the blind date was one thing but talking about it in her store, where she felt oddly at her most vulnerable, was entirely another. It was something she was finding particularly difficult to deal with.

So she cleared her throat and took a deep, slow breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say next.

“I shouldn’t have run away like that the other night, I apologize. I was just-” Alex winced at herself for not being able to articulate her thoughts properly. “I um-” Alex looked back down, not able to hold Maggie’s gaze on.

It was Maggie’s turn to whisper. “Yeah.”

“I guess seeing you took me by surprise,” Alex nodded, trying to convince herself that it was the whole truth, but she had known the second she had laid eyes on her again that seeing Maggie would bring everything back: the shame, the painful coming out, even the awkwardness of their kiss, and with it how horribly she had treated her three years ago. She had been taken by surprise at the concert, too, but for vastly different reasons. She had been on a path to becoming her true self.

And it was a shock now to see Maggie sitting in her bookshop, stunning as ever. How was she supposed to tell her all that? Relating even just part of it to her seemed insurmountable.

As much as Alex wanted to ignore what she was feeling, being in Maggie’s presence three years later reminded her of the fact that she had never really dealt with what had happened. She wished she had gotten over it by now, but the truth was that she never had.

Instead, Alex had simply shoved it all down, and now she felt overwhelmed by that simple, yet daunting, thought.

Maybe Kara was right, maybe tonight was about finally getting closure like she had hoped she would ever since they had agreed to meet. Maybe it was about finally moving forward and putting the past behind her once and for all.

Maggie hummed and nodded as well. “I don't think either of us expected it,” Maggie finished in a whisper. “I certainly didn’t. Ever. And I’m not mad or anything that you left.”

Maggie wasn't entirely sure if what she was saying were the right things, but she got the reassurance she needed when she saw Alex's shoulders relax, finally free from the tension that had taken over the moment she had opened the door.

To Maggie, it seemed that Alex was relieved, and she couldn’t hold it against her. Running away from her had probably been the best decision Alex could have made, each time that she had done so.

Yet, Alex had let her in tonight, and it made Maggie hold on to a hope that maybe at least a friendship could still exist between her and the woman who had disappeared on her, only to return to her life the way she had left it - abruptly and with an earth-shattering, unsatisfied sensation.

Then, Alex's stomach suddenly growled and Maggie shook her thoughts away. She leaned in and opened the pizza box, raising her eyebrows at Alex who nodded again, a small smile at the corner of her lips.

At least that part had been addressed now but they both knew that so many things were still left unsaid between them. Nothing about this situation was natural and none of them seemed ready to talk about the elephant in the room, which was why Alex kept avoiding the subject.

“No pineapple this time?” she smirked, hoping to diffuse some of the tension that remained. Alex realized that every second she had spent with Maggie three years ago were memorized at the back of her mind and that Maggie’s arrival had turned a switch that had brought it all back in an instant.

Maggie only shrugged but let a small smile appear nonetheless. “I guess I remembered,” she said, and Alex glanced at her briefly, dumbfounded that such a trivial detail had stayed with her, too.

They ate in silence for a while before Maggie opened the two beers she had brought and gave one to Alex who took it from Maggie’s hands. As their fingers brushed, Alex felt a shiver spreading throughout her body and she instantly knew better than to think it was because of the cold. She knew it was Maggie’s fingers on hers and she didn’t even try to ignore the jolt that shot through her whole body in response.

She didn’t touch her beer though, but rather took upon herself to play absentmindedly with the tag instead. It felt wrong to have it in her hands but explaining why she ran away was one thing, going deeper into her addiction was entirely another.

 _“So, girls huh?”_ Maggie thought of asking to break the heavy atmosphere but it seemed ironically too straightforward. She took a sip of her beer to make her own nerves go away and then settled on a different subject instead, less personal but still a reminder of their time together the day they had volunteered.

“A bookshop,” she said, looking at her surroundings, deciding to leave out the part about having wanted to come in for months. “I remember you were in med school. Change of heart?”

Alex was drawn out of her thoughts and tried to ignore how her body was still buzzing from their touch. She made eye contact again and as Maggie was taking a sip of her beer, Alex saw in her eyes a hint of genuine curiosity.

Whatever Alex was about to reply, Maggie seemed interested in her answer and the memory of the pizza they had shared together three years ago flashed in her brain like a bolt of electricity. It was the same genuine smile Maggie had had when she was listening to her then, and she was ready to do the same now.

Alex pursed her lips, thinking about her answer. She knew Maggie’s question pertained to more than just her career choice but was grateful that Maggie had decided to take the detour, as obvious as it was that it had been way more than a change of heart. Alex thought of explaining that her life had pretty much gone downhill during med school and that coming out had definitely not been a walk in the park for her, but she settled on something lighter instead.

“Early mid-life crisis,” she shrugged. “Mixed with my rebellious phase against my mother,” she added with a smile at the corner of her lips, making Maggie laugh for the first time that night. In that moment, Alex silently wished that she would be able to make her laugh like that again because her laugh filled the room and it was ridiculously intoxicating.

She was thankful she was not drinking in that moment because when Maggie gave Alex her most dimpled smile, Alex had difficulty catching her breath.

She noticed the change of atmosphere and decided to play along. “Teacher? What's that about?”

Maggie nodded and smiled softly. “I know, right? I guess I like to think I make a difference.”

“I actually hate teachers,” Alex said matter-of-factly and Maggie choked on her beer, spilling the sip she had just taken, sprinkles of the drink landing all over the place but mostly on herself.

Alex grabbed a napkin and launched herself at Maggie. “Are you ok?” she asked as she was mopping up the liquid and Maggie nodded, laughing awkwardly. Alex kept helping Maggie until they were both aware of their closeness and the air around them suddenly changed again as they locked eyes.

Neither of them moved an inch until Alex broke the eye contact and sat back down on her side of the sofa, clearing her throat, not even able to look at Maggie anymore.

“Thanks,” Maggie said as she started shrugging off her leather jacket. She was wearing a dark grey tank top underneath and Alex’s eyes were immediately drawn to her toned arms as they emerged from the sleeves of the jacket. The sight was more than Alex had been prepared for and she could feel her mouth growing dry as her mind worked on the thought of undressing Maggie and learning everything else there was to know about her body.

Maggie might have been the reason she had come to terms with her sexuality, but Alex was starting to grasp that it might also have been way more than that. Maybe none of her previous dates had worked out because she had never been able to find again what she had felt with Maggie then, and was feeling now in this moment.

Something. Like a spark.  
Then Maggie’s voice suddenly broke her ridiculous chain of thoughts, and Alex shook her head. She couldn't let herself think about that now.

“A bookseller hating teachers is unusual. What did we do?” Maggie asked, and Alex saw a glint in her eyes accompanied by a smirk.

Alex rolled her eyes, but couldn’t fight a smile. She had a feeling Maggie Sawyer wasn't one of those predictable, annoying teachers. “They're making my life hell during this time of year and the rest of the time they don't even pick up their orders, taking them -or me for that matter- for granted. Acting like I'm a librarian, but I'm not. I have a business to run.”

“Holding grudges, Danvers?” Maggie tilted her head playfully but what she had said to Alex three years ago came back to the back of her mind. Alex had probably never forgiven her for the word she had used to describe her, which was the exact reason she had to apologize and try to make amends. For her own sake and maybe Alex’s, too.

Alex shrugged, taking another slice of pizza. She paused dramatically. “Maybe.”

As Maggie laughed again, she threw her head back and something on the ceiling she hadn't noticed before caught her eyes, too absorbed as she had been in the wonder that was Alex Danvers.

“Wow. Is that what I think it is?” Maggie asked with wide eyes.

“Depends.” Alex replied quickly. “What do you think it is?”

“I think it’s a glass ceiling and that I’m looking at the stars,” Maggie said, standing up from the sofa to take it all in.

“That's not it but nice try,” Alex joked and Maggie looked at her speechless. “I'm kidding, it totally is.”

Maggie rolled her eyes, chuckling. “You know your humor might be the reason why teachers don't like you.”

Alex squinted her eyes. “See, I never said they didn't like me.”

 _How could they not_ , Maggie thought of saying but bit back the words at the last second. Flirting was not really in the cards for them, especially now that they had addressed the fiasco that had been their blind date and Alex finally seemed more comfortable. Maggie didn't want to ruin the moment. Nor did she want to miss her chance at a possible friendship.

“Not to your face,” Maggie replied instead, with a knowing look.

“And _that_ is why I don't like them,” Alex joked again, this time standing up to join Maggie under the glass ceiling.

Maggie knew Alex was probably expecting her to keep their banter going but she decided against it.

“Was it always there?” she asked, growing more serious. “When you bought the place I mean?”

Alex frowned at the question and the sudden change of subject, internally cursing and blaming herself for going too far. “No, actually,” she admitted, looking back at Maggie. “I had it installed.”

Maggie averted her eyes from the ceiling to look at Alex, still staring at her in awe. “It's a nice touch.”

“Yes. Definitely beautiful,” was all Alex could say in that moment, and it took every ounce of her willpower not to look at Maggie's lips. Maggie looked back at the sky and sighed, leaving Alex staring at her.

They kept standing there, looking at the stars and making small talk about both of their careers, avoiding any subjects remotely close to their private lives.

After a while, Maggie started fidgeting and looked back at the sofa, giving Alex an idea. She disappeared to the back of her shop muttering _I’ll be right back_ under her breath. When she came back a few moments later, Maggie was skimming through some books with the tips of her fingers, lost in her thoughts.

Alex stopped in her tracks and enjoyed the view, but only for a few seconds. When Alex had looked into her eyes the first time she met Maggie, she had known all the beauty of the universe could not even hope to compete with the brightest fire in them. She hadn’t changed one bit since that night, and even now, after years had passed, Alex still felt the same way about her. Maggie Sawyer was absolutely gorgeous.

Alex tried hard to ignore the flutter in her stomach as she stood there, looking at her, but Maggie looked so beautiful that the attempt seemed futile.

Inexplicably, the spark was back.

“Alex?” Maggie called, turning on her heels. As soon as their eyes locked, Alex was fully aware of the effect her name coming from Maggie’s lips had on her body. She wasn’t sure how, but she got her feet working again, trying to hide as much as she could of the fact that she had been caught staring.

“Yeah?” she said, avoiding Maggie’s gaze as she unfolded the blanket she had just fetched and laid it on the floor, right under the stars.

Alex actually had an even better view from her apartment, her balcony giving access to the flat’s roof right above the store. While she had been looking for the blanket, she had debated whether she should ask Maggie to come up there with her, but she had determined it would sound too much like she was inviting her up for something more, and Alex knew she wouldn’t have been able to handle the possible rejection.

“There was something else I wanted to talk to you about,” Maggie blurted out as Alex was positioning pillows and cushions on the floor. Sitting on the blanket, suddenly it didn’t look like such a good idea anymore, but it was too late now. Alex couldn't back down.

Alex looked up at Maggie’s soft expression, reminding herself that they had to talk at some point about what had happened, be it about the other night or what had happened after their kiss. She could see that Maggie was nervous too and she could also see Maggie was trying really hard to get the words out.

As Maggie sat next to her, Alex could hear her breathing slowly mirroring hers. She was taking her time and most likely choosing her words. She didn't let herself be hopeful about the topic at hand but if there was any chance Maggie would mention the date again, Alex didn’t want to be distracted. Maybe this time she could tell her that though running had been her first instinct, she had still been glad it was her and not someone else. Maybe she could tell her that another shot was still on the table. At least, for her.

She wanted to reach out to her and touch her fingers, even slightly, to give her the final push, but Maggie beat her to it.

“About what I said before you left. I shouldn't have said that. It was wrong and I’ve regretted it ever since,” Maggie finally said, looking up at Alex, who appeared to be utterly confused.

Maggie had hoped Alex would understand that she had never stopped thinking about that night, that concert and that kiss, but she only saw Alex frowning in response.

Alex, meanwhile, was thinking back only to the night of their blind date and how she had not heard Maggie say anything. She remembered leaving very fast, not bothering to look back but-

 _Oh._ Three years ago. _That_ night.

Alex had been dreading this moment since she saw Maggie standing at her door with the beers and the pizza. She remained quiet but she could tell that Maggie was waiting for her to say something.

Anything.

Alex gulped and tried to fill her lungs with air so she could breathe again but her mind went back to what had happened and she couldn’t quite understand why Maggie was the one apologizing. If anything, she owed _her_ an apology.

So she nodded, waiting for her body to catch up with her brain. She could see in her peripheral vision that Maggie was looking at her but soon turned her head to look back at the glass ceiling. Maggie exhaled slowly and without those sparkling brown eyes on her, Alex finally felt brave enough to voice her thoughts out loud.

So she took a deep breath, swallowed, and told her.

“I’m gay.”

Alex had said those words only twice before, to her mom and to her sister when she came out to them but since then? Alex never really told anyone, not even the women she had attempted dating in the past. There was no point, she’d met them in gay bars, it was obvious what she was looking for and Alex always had a talent to let women -or men before- know what she wanted.

But that night, saying those words out loud for the first time in a few years, Alex had never realized how much power there was in finally embracing who she was.

Maggie smirked. She hadn’t expected Alex to be so blunt about it but then again she had always been full of surprises. “I figured, Danvers. We almost went on a date.”

Alex scoffed at the stupidity of their conversation and shook her head, unable to fight the smile that was growing at the corner of her lips. “What I meant was that I do um- I do like girls. Only girls, I mean. I guess you were right.”

Maggie turned her head to meet Alex’s eyes and if she could remember what was said that night then she knew she was not apologizing for stating facts. Maggie tilted her head and smiled softly to encourage her to keep going.

“But what you said back then? The word you used? That was nothing compared to what happened to me after. My life changed that night. You got me to be myself. I’m grateful, I don’t hold any grudges. At least not in _that_ department.”

Alex chuckled slightly at her joke but Maggie’s heart sank and if Alex had been paying attention to every look Maggie had shot at her tonight, she would have seen it.

It wasn't the first time Maggie was someone's “gaykening”. She'd been there before and apparently it was no different for Alex. Maggie had thought it might have been, but in the end that's all it was.

She shook her head slightly in disbelief. She knew she should have known better but instead she had let herself be hopeful, let herself think that maybe whatever she had felt when they met had been reciprocated, that Alex had felt it too.

But it turned out that she had just been a means to an end in Alex's journey. Which was fine ultimately, because unlike the others, Alex had never toyed with her for months before throwing everything away, including Maggie. And she wasn’t toying with her now. Maggie forced herself to keep in mind that she was only looking to be Alex’s friend anyway, if she’d let her, and nothing more.

“I’m happy for you,” Maggie said, putting her hand on Alex’s knee, making it jerk at the touch. Maggie removed her hand quickly, a sheepish look on her face.

Her entire body still recovering from the touch, Alex took a deep breath and decided to take a step in the direction of the closure she was so adamant to find. “I need to properly apologize to you now. For tonight, I mean.”

Maggie shook her head. “You don’t have to, you already kind of explained,” she assured her.

Maggie made the most of the cushions Alex had put together and put her hands behind her head as she laid down and stared at the glass ceiling in awe.

“No, Maggie. Please,” Alex implored and Maggie nodded ever so slightly, enthralled to hear her name through Alex’s lips for the first time but worried at how fast her heart started racing. “I was getting ready, and I might have been a little bit late because I couldn’t decide on my outfit. But then I saw an ambulance from my window and I knew in my gut that it was my sister because I know her and, well, it was her. Truth is? What happened is quite funny but that is not the point because then we went to the ER and I left so quickly that I didn’t have my phone with me and then after getting back to her place I went to the bar but of course you had already left, I mean there was no reason to wait for me, and I’m not saying that you should have, but you actually did wait for me and I-” Alex took a deep breath. “I wasn’t trying to blow you off. I really am sorry.”

Even in her haste, Alex chose her last words carefully, hoping for Maggie to get it. This time she had wanted to show up, to be there. She didn’t want to run from her anymore even though Maggie probably wouldn’t want to see her again after the talk they were finally having. But now they were actually talking, Alex didn’t want that to end. She felt overpowered by that thought only.

“You picked out a great outfit. You clean up nice.”

Alex squinted her eyes but ultimately let a smile form at the corner of her lips. She hadn’t expected that kind of a response but most of all she failed to notice that Maggie had pointed out her outfit without even looking at her. “Is that what you got? From all that?” she asked, motioning between the two of them.

“I do appreciate the explanation,” Maggie let a soft chuckle escape and Alex briefly wished in that moment that she could read Maggie like an open book. “Is your sister alright?”

Alex scoffed. “She’s fine. With the added bonus of a brand new pink cast though.”

“You two seem close, it must be nice,” Maggie continued. There was a hint of regret in her voice that Alex couldn’t possibly understand but it was still noticeable. Her emotions were easily hidden but sometimes part of her pain was evident.

After getting _that_ apology out of the way, Alex let herself relax and embraced the moment, slowly lying down next to Maggie.

She immediately perceived the warmth of Maggie’s body next to her but did her best to focus on the stars instead as she placed her hands on her stomach, desperately trying to control her hectic breathing. There was something in the way Alex’s body reacted to Maggie that just felt so different. She had been physically close to other women before, even had sex with them, but lying there in immediate proximity of the woman who got her to be herself was making her body buzz from head to toe.

“We are. She was there for me when-” Alex cleared her throat. She hadn’t planned on going there but she might as well now. “When I came out. She helped me a lot.”

Maggie turned her head to face Alex and her bright brown eyes made her heart do a somersault. Alex knew Maggie was silently asking her to keep going, and so she did.

“My life hasn’t always been as good as it is now,” she added, practically in a whisper so that only their closeness would allow Maggie to hear the confession. “I’d been in a bad place for a long time before I-” Alex took a deep breath. “Before I could be myself. Before I got me.”

Maggie smiled softly and nodded. Alex didn’t know how much she could relate to what she had just said but she had a feeling Maggie hadn’t always had it easy either.

“I wish it could have been different sometimes,” Maggie finally confessed, and Alex couldn't figure out if she was talking about her own demons or what had happened between them. “I wish I could have been there for you that night. It’s not easy to come out.”

_Oh._

They were impossibly close now and Maggie’s eyes briefly moved to Alex’s lips. It lasted only a millisecond, but it was enough for Alex to hope that Maggie would do something about it.

Alex took a sharp breath. “Thank you for listening now,” she whispered, moving her body towards Maggie intuitively.

They stared at each other with such intensity that neither of them dared to move. Right under the stars, they were both longing for the same thing, but neither Maggie nor Alex could allow themselves to hope it was reciprocated.

Finally Maggie composed herself again, not wanting to take a risk and jeopardize the closure she had been looking for, which now seemed within their reach. “I should probably go. It’s getting late,” she blurted out.

And with that, the moment had passed. Alex averted her eyes and turned her attention away from Maggie who was already getting up on her feet. “It’s a school night after all,” Alex muttered.

“I can handle a school night, Danvers,” Maggie chuckled. “But um- I have an important meeting tomorrow and I need to re-read everything again you know.”

Alex nodded and tried to hide the disappointment in her voice. “Of course, yeah.”

Alex picked up the blanket from the floor as well as the cushions. Maggie was getting ready to leave when a thought suddenly hit Alex in full force, a thought that had stayed at the back of her mind all night. Without Maggie’s eyes on her she finally worked up the courage.

“Can I ask you something?”

Maggie hummed as she was putting her leather jacket on and, as Alex found herself once again looking, she was glad Maggie wasn’t facing her in that moment because she would have seen the blush rapidly creeping on Alex’s face.

“It’s about the note you left. About still wanting to come if you had known it was me. Why?”

Maggie tilted her head to the side and smiled. She couldn’t tell Alex the whole truth, but she deserved at least a part of it, the truth that wouldn’t force Alex to take pity on her. There was no point in letting her know she had been excited, that seeing her again admittedly brought back the bad memories but also the good ones, and everything she felt for her.

That particular feeling. The irresistible pull.

“To apologize. I’m not very fond of the D word and I never should have used it against you like that. And,” Maggie continued as she was starting to play with her keys while Alex held back a sharp breath.

“What?”

“Nothing. That was it. It was important for me that you knew that,” was all Maggie said instead of the millions of other things that went through her mind in that moment.

So, it had never been about getting another chance and as Alex realized that she had been fooling herself all night long with unnecessary hope, Maggie was already at the door ready to leave, evidently happy with the closure she was getting.

Alex caught up with her in silence, opening the door, and she had never hated more the little ding it made. Maggie walked past her ever so slowly and turned around one last time.

“Thank you,” she said, her eyes soft on Alex.

“For what?”

“Listening. Talking.”

Their night was coming to an end and Alex didn't know what to think other than it was too soon, and that she wanted to see Maggie again. But as it turned out, seeing each other again had apparently never been in the cards in the first place, not for Maggie anyway. Their night at the bookshop was only pure luck, something to remember, not something that could happen again.

“Of course. I'm glad we talked too,” Alex said. She wanted to reach out to Maggie but stopped herself at the last moment. There was no point. She dropped her eyes, not wanting to see the look on Maggie’s face.

“I guess that's it then,” Maggie said more in the form of a question, but her point didn't get across.

Alex looked back up and nodded. “I guess so,” she finished with a shrug.

“See you around, Danvers,” Maggie said in a whisper and Alex watched her go, wondering if what she felt in that moment was similar to what Maggie had felt each time she had run away from her.

She was left standing there with a knot in her stomach and a spark that confused her even more than it had before. And neither of those feelings were resembling closure.

It felt more like an open wound.

***

“What do you mean you’re not gonna see her again?”

Later that week, Alex had taken up on her sister’s offer to have dinner with her. Not even one foot into the apartment, Kara had harassed her with questions. There was no point in stalling or avoiding so Alex let it all come out and the truth was, she needed to talk about it with someone and her sister was her only friend, there was no point in denying that.

“Well,” Alex took a bite of her pizza. “We talked. And it was really awkward at first.”

“And?”

“And by the end of the night we had said everything there was to say,” Alex shrugs. “I don’t know what else we could do.”

“You could always drop by with donuts. Always worked for me.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Sugar is not the answer here,” Alex said, amused. “Besides, I wouldn’t even know where to look.”

“I could always ask Sarah, she’s a teacher too at NCU?”

Alex frowned, not convinced. “I’m not sure stalking her is the answer either.”

“But you want to see her again, don’t you?”

Alex sighed. She wasn’t sure anymore of what she wanted or not. Maggie had been disarming to say the least but what she felt wasn’t reciprocated. She thought she had seen Maggie look at her lips but it was probably in her imagination, because she had wanted her to make a move but didn’t dare do so herself.

“To what end, Kara?”

“Friends?”

“After all this time? I don’t know.”

Alex finished her slice, lost in her thoughts.

Having a friend could be nice and she definitely could use one, here in National City, where she had always relied on her sister to be the link between her job and a social life.

Alex had always been part of Kara’s social life to some extent but at times it felt lonely to be the third wheel. It felt lonely to not be the center of the attention of someone else who didn’t know Kara before. It felt lonely to have no friends who could understand what being a lesbian out there in the world felt like.

So she could use a friend. She just wasn’t sure if it was what Maggie wanted too or if she knew how to make that happen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo I'm back and I hope you liked it, it was a big one and it took me a few weeks to get it the way I wanted to. This story is now officially 6 chapters long unless I decide otherwise but the last remaining chapters should be interesting (and are already outlined, yay). Alex and Maggie are endgame and soulmates and that's That on that.


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